Conflict and Humility

So I am waiting in the car with my daughter this morning. It is 6:15 am. I let her stay in the car until her school bus comes so she doesn't have to wait out in the cold. A guy pulls up beside me, honks his horn, and sits there. I roll down my window.

"Hey - you know it's illegal to park within 30 feet of a stop sign. You are putting these kids at risk." His tone is a little condescending for my taste.

I have some options here.

1. Point out to him that he is now technically parked beside me and double parking is illegal as well.
2. Pretend I am deaf and start signing.
3. Turn up my radio really loud.
4. Say thank you and put my window back up.

I'll leave it to your imagination what I actually did. I don't really like conflict. In fact, just thinking about conflict gives me conflicted feelings. What a vicious cycle. I think if you've been alive for 5 minutes you have probably experienced conflict at some point in your life. I got some wisdom today regarding conflict from someone who was in the midst of it. The idea that humility must always accompany conflict is spot on. Humility says that even though we may be squared off towards one another I recognize that you are not perfect and neither am I. Humility says that we can dialogue about our differences without losing sight of our similarities. Humility says that I value you as a person more than I value my feeling of being right. And humility says you may actually be right and I need to change.

I continue to learn how to deal with conflict both as a receiver and as an initiator. I prefer neither but that's not realistic. I recognize my need to be called on the carpet at times and I believe that others should be as well. I do have some beliefs regarding this kind of interaction. Since conflict has to involve at least one person (even if you are conflicted within yourself) remember this little quote from Ravi Zacharias - it's one of my all time favorites. He speaks to having a conviction regarding something and sharing that conviction with another person. This is in the context of sharing your faith but I think it applies to other contexts - especially a conviction that is in the context of conflict.

If a conviction is that which is deeply engraved in your conscience, it is indispensable that it be undergirded with love. If it is not, it makes the possessor of that conviction obnoxious, and the dogma he or she possesses becomes repulsive.

Basically, people won't hear what you are saying if it is not said in a way that communicates a motivation of love and concern for the hearer.

I didn't hear love in the parking nazi's voice this morning as he graciously shared his advice. However, I will probably park somewhere else tomorrow to avoid any conflict. :)

(If life could just be as happy as Ma and Pa in the picture above)