Gratitude and Wonder

A favorite author of mine is Ravi Zacharias. From the first time I heard him speak at a World Missions Conference while I was in college, I have been challenged, enlightened, inspired, and shaped by what he writes and shares through his sermons and lectures. In his book, Recapture The Wonder, he connects gratitude and wonder.

"The first necessary component of wonder is profound gratitude."

Honestly, this can be a struggle for me at times. I can easily get focused on what has been lost or what I don't have or what situation I find myself in and throw my own personal pity party. Gratitude is something I even resist at times because it feels like its wrong to "put on a happy, thankful face" when the feeling isn't there. I experience this sometimes with the families I work with on how to balance thankfulness with loss. Sometimes people feel guilty for acknowledging things to be grateful for in the face of loss. Once people can see that the sadness they feel over the loss is actually a testimony to the value of the relationship they once enjoyed gives them a better grasp on why their grief can feel so overwhelming. C.S. Lewis once said - "The deeper you love, the deeper you hurt. The joy you felt then is part of the pain you feel now."

Ravi makes the point in his book that gratitude runs much deeper than mere thankfulness or shallow emotion. His description is not only challenging but inspiring as well:

"The gratitude I am speaking of is not sporadic. It cannot be spent or exhausted. It is the transformation of a mind that is more grateful for the giver than for the gift, for the purpose than for the present, for life itself rather than for abundance. It values a relationship rather than any benefit made possible by the relationship. Even more, it is the capacity to receive, rather than the gift itself, to trust even when the moment seems devoid of immediate fulfillment. It is more than happiness. It is more than peace."

When I sit and reflect, even as I am typing this, I really do have so much to be grateful for and that is ultimately a very satisfying and fulfilling way to end the day. Not having all the answers or grief or problems solved, but acknowledging that, as Ravi states so well, that "the world is larger and more beautiful than my little struggle. There is a larger context."

Living in tension

I am not a musically inclined person. I played viola for about a year when I was in 7th grade. As a going away present when we moved to NJ a friend of mine gave me a guitar. I tried learning from a book. Needless to say it is in its case in the corner of my room. One thing that is obvious to even a novice like myself is that every instrument needs to be tuned in order for it to make the sound it is supposed to make. In the case of stringed instruments tuning consists of finding the right tension in the strings.

As a chaplain, I often use the analogy of finding the right tension to live in when talking to people who have just experienced a traumatic event. The healthy person lives in a constant state of tension but that tension is tuned to produce beautiful music. For example - helping families in hospice who balance the wish for ceasing of suffering coupled with the fact that they don't want to see their loved one die. Being able to hold both of those realities can be difficult.

Living in tension is something that is unavoidable and something every human aspires to do. I am reading a book by John Piper called God is the Gospel which talks, in part, about this very notion and how Jesus is the ultimate example of embodying these tensions.

Piper states:

• we admire him for his glory, but even more because his glory is mingled with humility;
• we admire him for his transcendence, but even more because his transcendence is accompanied by condescension;
• we admire him for his uncompromising justice, but even more because it is tempered with mercy;
• we admire him for his majesty, but even more because it is a majesty in meekness;
• we admire him because of his equality with God, but even more because as God's equal he nevertheless has a deep reverence for God;
• we admire him because of how worthy he was of all good, but even more because this was accompanied by an amazing patience to suffer evil;
• we admire him because of his sovereign dominion over the world, but even more because this dominion was clothed with a spirit of obedience and submission;
• we love the way he stumped the proud scribes with his wisdom, and we love it even more because he could be simple enough to like children and spend time with them;
• and we admire him because he could still the storm, but even more because he refused to use that power to strike the Samaritans with lightening (Luke 9:54-55) and he refused to use it to get himself down from the cross.

The Scottish theologian James Stewart puts it this way:

"He was the meekest and lowliest of all the sons of men. Yet he spoke of coming on the clouds of heaven with the glory of God. He was so austere that evil spirits and demons cried out in terror at his coming, yet he was so genial and winsome and approachable, that the children loved to play with him and the little ones nestled in his arms.

His presence at the innocent joy of a village wedding, was like the presence of sunshine. No one was half so kind or compassionate to sinners, yet no one ever spoke such red-hot scorching words about sin. A bruised reed he would not break. His whole life was love. Yet on one occasion he demanded of the Pharisees, how they were expected to escape the damnation of hell.

He was a dreamer of dreams and a seer of visions, yet for sheer stark realism, he has all of us self-styled realists soundly beaten. He was the servant of all, washing the disciples’ feet, yet masterfully he strode into the temple, and the hucksters and moneychangers fell over one another to get away in their mad rush from the fire they saw blazing in his eyes. He saved others, yet at the last, he himself did not save.

There is nothing in history like the union of contrasts which confronts us in the gospels; the mystery of Jesus is the mystery of divine personality."

I am humbled and grateful for God's tuning in my life when I either have the strings too tight or too loose. Sometimes he speaks truth to my heart personally during times of quiet, other times he may speak through a passage of scripture, or a song, or a person. Regardless of how he tunes me, I know that tuning will be a life-long process. That is another thing I learned about instruments - you don't have to do anything for them to get out of tune. The more you make music the more conscious you are of the need for the instrument to be in proper tension.

Enough - now go make some beautiful music while you live in the tension.

What to post?

Maybe if I were a woman I would have more words to use. Running low on thoughts and energy tonight as a day off can do that. It wasn't totally unproductive - P90x @ 5, drop kids off, furniture shopping, quick nap before the Rose Bowl, picture hanging, blah blah blah. However, since we were gone for Christmas we didn't get a chance to do an activity we started last year. Last year we wrote letters to God on Christmas day and placed them in a little gift box. So tonight, we got our letters out and wrote a new one. It was interesting to see where my heart was last year and what I prayed for regarding the year that just past. I continue to be humbled and thankful for God's continued grace and love for me. I hope that anyone reading this has a very real sense of those things too!

Today's message at church was from Genesis 12: 1-4a

The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and to to the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left, as the Lord had told him...

When God calls us to leave it can be hard. I remember leaving behind a career, comfortable and familiar surroundings, a church body, and friends and family when God asked me to leave for seminary. At the time I remember being very apprehensive and unsure of what was around the next corner. Scared might be a better adjective.

This morning's message made me reflect on that experience. God first tells Abram to leave and go where God was going to show him. Almost as if he would reveal his destination step-by-step rather than laying out a complete map. As I think back to our experience, God did just that. Not only was our "final" stopping point unknown until I got hired back in Washington but God also revealed, step-by-step, how he was directing me spiritually.

Secondly, God tells Abram that he will bless him. He tells him that he will be with him personally. And because of that personal presence, Abram will be able to bless others as God blesses him.

Next, God says that He will be at work in those around Abram - blessing and cursing. So not only was God working in Abram, he was working in those who's path would cross with Abram. So many times I experienced that and continue to experience that- God, as He works with me and on me, is working on those around me and somehow those experiences are woven together.

So Abram left as the Lord had told him....

It was hard to leave. And it wasn't all roses after we left either. However, the experiences, growth, relationships, and faith that were built in my life during that season continue to shape me today.

What a comfort it is to know:

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

Bye Bye 2011

Leaving 2011 and crossing into 2012. Kinda like saying good-bye and hello at the same time.

Nap Time

We found this piece of prized property in Hawaii. Not a bad place for an afternoon nap.

Grace